70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of
his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said,
"George, everything looks great physically. How are you
doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with
yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?"
George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He's fixed it so that when I get up in the
middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! the light
goes on when I pee, and then poof! the light goes off when
I'm done."
"Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "That's incredible!"
A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife.
"Thelma," he said, "George is just fine. Physically he's
great. But I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom and then poof! the light goes off?"
George's wife exclaimed, "That old fool! He's peeing in the
refrigerator again!".
Joke 12
What is another name for a gynecologist?
A private investigator
Joke 13
There was a 5-year-old kid riding his tricycle, and his wheel fell off. He says "Son of a bitch!", gets up, and puts his wheel back on. He rides about 5 feet and, his wheel fell off again. He says "Son of a bitch!", gets up, and puts his wheel back on. He rides about 5 more feet and, his wheel fell off again. He says "Son of a bitch!", gets up, and puts his wheel back on. A watching priest walks over to the boy and tells him that if he says "Praise the Lord!" the next time that wheel falls off, it will jump back on all by itself. The boy rides a little further and it falls off again. He says "Praise the Lord!", and it jumped back on. "I'll be a son of a bitch," said the priest.
Joke 14
There were three women, a brunette, a red head, and a blonde. They all worked together at an office. Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left. The next day, the Brunette and the red head are talking about going home early again. They ask the blonde if she wants to leave early again.
"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"
Joke 15
This boy is about to turn 18. His parents, who are farmers, can't give him anything for his birthday because of the drought. So, his father gives him a duck to go sell at the market in town. The boy takes the duck to town and tries to sell it. When he gets to the market it is closed. He starts to walk home and doesn't go very far before realizing how much his birthday sucked. He sits down in across the street from a hore house and mopes. He sees this girl standing outside the hore house, and she notices he's looking at her. She walks over to him and asks him what is wrong. He tells her, and she says, "Well I'll give you a good time, but its going to cost you. Your duck will do."
They go across the street and have sex. After they were done, the girl says, "You were really good. Can we do it again? I'll give you your duck back."
"Okay," he said. They do it again. He leaves with his duck and walks home.As he was walking home, he almost gets run over by a semi. To get out of the way of the truck he had to drop the duck, and the duck gets ran over. The boy sees his duck laynig flat on the road and can't believe it. The guy stops his truck and gets out. He runs to the boy and says, "I'm really sorry! Sorry man. I'll pay you for the duck. I'm really sorry! How does $20 sound."
The boy takes the money and starts to walk home. When he gets to the house, he has a big smile on his face, and his dad is waiting outside and says, "So, did you have a good time?"
The boy says, "Yeah, to make it short, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $20 bucks for a fucked up duck."
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